Strugglin'

“Insert motivational quote here”

Four screens boot up as Hot steam crawls out of a Homegoods mug. My mind races as usual since I cannot focus on one thing for more than 15 milliseconds. Failed attempts at organization scatter my desk and couch, as I toggle between multiple tabs, email responses, and a zoom call. No wonder why I feel like I never complete anything. The whole desk shakes, and tea spills everywhere. Ive knocked my knee on the desk, I'm moving too fast yet again.

A Spotify's Lo-Fi playlist, and daily walks through the neighborhood are helping me breakdown my frustrations but I feel like I am running myself ragged. I continue to mute my breathing app on my smartwatch which reminds me to take a breath every now and again.

The further and further I go down this rabbit hole known as Quarantine, the worst I feel like i get mentally. I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling anxious due to worries of contracting COVID, and a feeling of emptiness from not being able to embrace the people I love.

The lack of success for incomplete projects is just enhancing my self-deprecating ways. It's become so normal that I sometimes don't even recognize it until someone else identifies something I should be proud of. I dropped an EP in March on Spotify and Apple Music (Among other streaming services). I've even submitted two additional Singles and recorded a thrid, not to mention the 10-12 Beats I've made within the last month. Maybe I feel like I am not doing enough, or my accomplishments haven't hit the level that I believe I can truly achieve.

My accountability partners are always telling me that I need to maintain focus, and create things to do lists to both eusnre I remain on the right pathway, and to maintain a sense of accomplishment. Mentally checking off a box makes me feel better and I can look back on my list of things to do at the end of the day as tangible evidence that I succeeded to some degree. My struggle though, is that I'm focusing mainly on work related tasks, instead of personal based tasks as well. I need to make sure I am reaching out to family and friends, and taking breaks to realign my energy. This coupled with a new workout strategy will propel me out of this "funk" and back on the pathway to more success. For anyone else going through some of these symptoms, let me know your coping strategies. I am always open to feedback.