Slow Down

“Speeding up doesn’t clarify the images in your head, it actually downgrades the quality of what you’re looking at...”

I woke up yesterday afternoon. I don’t mean like an alarm clock, but I did get a wake up call yeaterday. My Fiancé (FeFe) let me know something I was doing, wasn’t really all that healthy for me.

Self Deprecation and Depressive moods have all circled around my work life balance (or lack there of).

Working two jobs is always a difficult thing to master, both mentally and physically. But our candid and raw conversation had me realizing that I was placing an unnecessary strain on myself. I “left” the office; AKA the secondary bedroom of our apartment, cheerful to celebrate the holidays a few days before Christmas. Upon arrival i kept feeling like i had to play “catchup” to get my inboxes cleared, and to respond to all the voicemails. Though this is important, I had to realize that I can’t do everything all in one day.

I had a dream last night that I was on one of those trivial cooking shows, forced to plate my best work in a short time table with parameters. I created a fairly simple desert, but overshot the amount of time it would take to get it out of the oven. While the time drew nearer and nearer to zero, I did all that I could to prepare. I set up the plates, and smeared them with the homemade sauce as the time ticked. I ultimately presented a subpar but elevated bread pudding with cinnamon and apple shavings, but I felt a sense of urgency and heplessness. I was unprepared but still put something on the plate.

I wondered why I feel uncertain of my future, and as if i had disappointed myself and all those around me. I wonder why I deemed it necessary to speed through work days, and weeks until someone had to step in front of my supercharged, carbon-fibered, 480 horse powered mind to get me to pump the breaks. I thought it was all about hurrying up to get the task done. Speeding up doesn’t clarify the images in your head, it actually downgrades the quality of what you’re looking at because it’s going by too quick to process.

If you are anything like me, consider this your wake up call. Slow down, and take a beat to enjoy all that is around you. Take in the sun, read a book. Hear the birds chirp, marvel at the sunset, or the moon and the stars. Life is about more than work, and If you don’t slow down, you’ll loose sight of the big picture.