"I feel like I'm trying to keep everything together and I'm about to burst at the seems of Sanity."
The old adage is that if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, go back to sleep and roll over...or something like that. Sometimes one bad thing leads to a second bad thing, and the domino effect spirals out of control before lunchtime. A bad cup of coffee, or a botched presentation could end up poisoning your entire day and all you want to do is forget about it and deny yourself the reality that you have obligations.
I talked to my buddy Grant This morning, about how Gen-Z is Learning coding basics like a foreign language requirement for when we were in school. He laughed, and talked about the envy of our generation, that is probably to the same effect of Boomers. They watch us seemlessly type, text, and tweet without second thinking. They see us navigate through the Microsoft Suite, manipulate data, and rotate documents without calling Tech Support. I'm sure they envy, so it's all perspective. But for myself I've been keeping my eyes open for a chance to prove myself, get some money, and rebalance my work-life situation. But, so far I haven't been fruitful. This is partially because I see opportunities and instead of focusing on them, I find other ones. I am so scatterbrained that I get decision paralysis. Too many Choices, not enough action.
The hardest part is I have big dreams, and want to move towards them, but my timetable isn’t always right. I am trying to put too much into too small of a timetable. Then I get overwhelmed, and the feeling that I am not capibile of completing a task sets in.
I keep feeling like I'm taking L's in succession like an HBO show, or the SNKRS App. I woke up to bad news about some sweatshirts not meeting our expectations. Then my Amazon groceries status being updated as delivered, and didn't show up until our neighbor knocked on our door at 4pm with warm perishables that were supposed to be delivered yesterday. I've been exhausted all week, and didn't work out as I usually do. I replaced my smoothies, with cups of coffee, and my lunch schedule has been all out of wack. I still have training for a new role that I feel like most aren't taking as serious as I am. It's like I'm trying to keep everything together and I'm about to burst at the seems of Sanity. The EP isn't done yet, the clothing company hasn't dropped and the year is almost over. My "New Year's Resolutions will be a Things to do list" ended up being a coaster for a Manhattan to drown away the anxiety and frustration. I am stuck on loop and can't press pause or stop. Almost like I've lost faith in myself to perform at anything worth while, as live and opportunities pass me by.
Don't mind my pity party, this is a new way to process emotions for me, while trying to stay creative when I can. Sometimes we worry about the end goal so much, that we forget the journey that changes us. But if you don't have a tour guide you may end up in the wrong city.